Hello to Everyone,
Believe me, I understand pain very well. Pain hurts.
Throughout my 'growing-up' life, I had to endure terrible unrelenting emotional, physical, and sexual pain and abuse. I had no encouragement, no positive nurturing, no praise, no acknowledgment of any individual worth or value, no human hand on my shoulder that told me, "I'm with you, don't be afraid."
Because of this I grew up in a world of confusion and uncertainty, and total bewilderment; I had no future--I didn't want one!--I had no purpose, no direction, no meaning to my existence; I had absolutely no personal value or respect. I struggled with Jesus for years and years--drifting in and out of fellowship with Him, until... I quit fighting my PAIN!
You see, PAIN had become my intimacy--my friend and my comfort (it was my constant companion)--because it was all I ever knew. I never knew peace, or joy, or happiness, or contentment; I didn't even know what "FUN" was! Sub-consciously I fought to retain and hold onto this PAIN. Because of this, I lacked the skills of relating to life in a positive way; all I had was confusion, until... I quit fighting my pain.
I never could understand why I 'just couldn't feel loved by Jesus'; and why I 'just couldn't love Him back!' I didn't know how, because PAIN had become my familiar and intimate friend; PAIN was all I ever knew.
So, how did I quit fighting my PAIN? I accepted it!!
I realized my life was created by Jesus, and not by me! I realized that I had become the person Jesus wanted me to be!! I didn't have to succeed. I didn't have to be noticed. I didn't have to make a name for myself. I didn't have to own a house, or a fancy car, or nice clothes, or just be someone special! It was O.K., just to be me! Believe it; even with all of my sin and faults. Jesus did this, so hat I could be used by Him to comfort those that had PAIN too. PAIN is not unique; it is universal. Everyone has PAIN. Even JESUS did when HE walked among men.
I quit trying to be like others; I quit trying to have what others had; I quit trying... and fighting my PAIN. I just...finally...allowed Jesus to be Jesus... and me to be me.
YES!!!! Praise the Lord!
